It has happened. The camel's back has been broken. I got so angry at work today. Not angry at my boss, my colleagues or the stupid people that keep calling me (ok so they might have been a big part of it) but angry at myself. I have spent almost a year complaining and complaining about my work. I am sick of hearing myself - I feel so sorry for my friends and family, having to put up with it, like a broken record.
Why has it taken me so long? Why have I waited all this time, knowing in my heart of hearts that this is not where I want to be? WHY?! What am I scared of? I should be excited, not fearful of change. What could possibly be worse than this job?
I received a text from a friend after a mini rant this afternoon. She told me I can't sit and act like a victim in this situation. She is so right. I am not a victim. I put myself in this situation and I must get myself out.
I was in a bad state when I left work today, nearly two hours late, having slammed the phone down on a department head, burst into tears and stormed out. So I walked four miles home, turned on my laptop and I have applied for eight jobs so far. Even some obscure ones such as cabin attendant on the Isle of Wight Ferry! Why not? It's better paid!
Enough talk of change. Talk is cheap.